Lifes what you make it..

My college career so far has been nothing less than a wild roller coaster ride. I started at CU Denver living at home and although it was a great stepping stone, I knew it wasn't for me. My second semester of freshman year I moved to Laramie, WY to attend the University of Wyoming and that is where I have been since.  Just a couple months ago I was the happiest i've been yet post high school. I loved it here and was encouraged with the good attitude I had developed towards this tiny little town.  So what changed? Why am I again feeling like I don't belong and this isn't where I should be? I feel very lost right now but I have to remember that following my heart is the only thing that will lead me to a successful and happy future.

This semester I decided to drop my classes at UW and continue my education by taking a few classes through ACC and working in the meantime. I am a very hard worker and dedicated to what I love so I refuse to carry the label that I "quit college" or "gave up." Because that is not the case at all, if anything I am just taking a new approach to this time in my life.

My current goal is to work as much as I can this semester and summer and get some money and eventually move to Boston, for real this time.  I feel like if I think about living there this much then I should give it a try. If I don't like it then that settles that. But I don't ever want grow up and regret that I never moved to the city I absolutely love. I truly believe that I would be beyond happy there. I can picture myself going to Cape Cod for a long weekend and going to Marblehead to visit my grandparents for dinner. It's my home away from home...

I have put other people aside right now, it's time I make decisions that will benefit me and my future. I can't worry about how other people will react anymore. It's go time.

All I know is I have the BEST family supporting me and that my real friends will always be standing by my side no matter what.

"It’s your life 

What you gonna do?

The world is watching you

Every day the choices you make

Say what you are and who

Your heart beats for 

It’s an open doo

r

It’s your life"

-Its your life by Francesca Battestelli

Long Distance

With you is where I'd rather be

But we're stuck where we are

And it's so hard,you're so far

This long distance is killing me

I wish that you were here with me

But we're stuck where we are

And it's so hard,you're so far

This long distance is killing me

Today I miss my boyfriend. Its only been two weeks since I last saw him but I don't know when i'll be able to see him again. A 10 hour road trip is kind of a buzz kill. Hopefully I can fly out at some point. I know i'm lucky that he is only a state away playing hockey and not over seas fighting a war... but I can't help but miss having him around.

I truly am blessed to have him in my life. I haven't experienced the typical teenage girl heart break, I dont have to worry about him hurting me or letting me down. He's my best friend and a part of my family. It's always reassuring to hear how much my parents and brother even love him. 

I'm a lucky girl and I know this. I'll continue to count my blessings... but today i'm sad :(

Mama Said Home is Where the Heart is... :)

Home for a month! Feels so good to be back in Colorado. On my drive home from Wyoming, I started thinking about differences between Laramie and Highlands Ranch and just what I love about coming home. This is what I have...
Driving on I-25 and seeing the Welcome to Colorful Colorado sign I always kind of "eeek" because I instantly feel different being back in CO.

Being back in traffic, although I hate traffic usually I actually get excited when I hit traffic near Denver. The city girl part of me comes alive and I battle my way down the highway switching lanes, slamming on my brakes, and giving dirty looks to the people that cut me off. I don't deal with ANY sort of traffic in Laramie...

When I see the city skyline for the first time on my drive home I can't help but smile :). So many memories in Denver, from countless Rockies games, to dinner traditions with the family, to just hanging out with my brother at his apartment.. every time I see downtown Denver I replay all those good times.

Also when I see Denver I just laugh to myself... Wyoming as a WHOLE state has a little over 500,000 people, and Denver alone has way more people than that. It baffles me how unpopulated of a state i go to school in!

Comparing Laramie to HR is like comparing a dog to a butterfly... there is really nothing in common. Maybe a couple restaurants and  wal-mart but that is about it! Laramie has definitely grown on me, and I like the small town living style, but I LOVE being back in suburbia and being home.

It should be a good break :) Vegas on Thursday and the rest of the month lots and lots of family time!

<3

Finally :)

Ahhh.
Finally I feel like I'm where I am supposed to be. The past two weeks up here in Laramie, WY have been so much fun and as of now I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I finally have my core group of friends, and for me thats like having a piece of high school back. All it took was being surrounded by people I trust, and that I can have fun with.
I feel like people like being around me, and thats a confidence booster for sure. I enjoy being a friend.
Although I am loving it up here, I am very happy to be going home to Denver on Thursday, I get to go to the Avalanche game with my brother! And then celebrate my dads birthday with him, since I wont be around on his real birthday.
Loving life right now...Finally :)

The Po Po are here!

---Well, I experienced a new side of college this weekend.  I can't deny the fact I had a blast. 
On Saturday night, after a day in the sun at the football game and working 5 hours all I wanted to do was go back to my apartment and crash. That was not an option for me.  Me and my roommates friends were throwing a "kegger" in their campus living apartment and I had no choice but to go over and check it out.  When I got there it was already packed. But as the night went on practically every football player and basketball player from uw (I felt very small and white haha) and a billion other people I didn't know were crammed inside this small living quarters. I'm not opposed to people drinking at all, but i'd rather be sober and aware of whats go on, so I just stood by and watched everyone make fools of themselves. By 11:30 or so a kid with a mohawk went bounding around the apartment yelling " the po po are here!!!" I have NEVER seen a place clear out as fast as I did that night. One of my friends left, then came back in saying that it was just a joke blah blah blah. I started laughing then turned around and saw a cop standing directly in front of me- only being separated by a window, then seconds later more cops filled the place, part of me was scared, but at the same time I thought it was kinda thrilling. After the cops came in me and the remaining people left. Me- "Ayana, i'll be back to grab my keys" Cop- "No you wont, don't come back" Okay bossy guts! I'm the sober one here.... 
Anyways, I ended up getting my keys and heading out. Drunk roommates in tow.
---About 2 hours later, I got a call from a friend to go pick his drunk butt up. Off I went. I took my roommates truck so I could put his bike in the bed. After picking him up, we're driving along and I see those "beautiful" red and blue lights flashing behind me. My stomach drops and I feel like fainting. "Hello miss, I pulled you over for swirving. Have you been drinking tonight?" "Um no." I guess I could of said more.. he then decided to test my words against me.. he had me follow his fingers back and forth for like 2 minutes (not really but it felt that long) I was FREAKED out, since my brother is a cop he likes to use those little tricks on me. One time I was again completely sober and he did the eye test on me and of course my eyes bounced anyways and I failed. So here I am taking the test thinking to myself i'm going to jail for being a good doubey. Thankfully I "passed" and was able to go on my way.
---Two too many encounters with cops for me... Thankfully I stuck to my guns and didn't drink.
Haha I thought it was a funny night, nights like that make me enjoy being a college kid..
Hopefully this weekend will be less eventful.

Moving on..

I have a very hard time letting things go, change isn't necessarily easy for me.  Right now especially :(
I am watching Nicks hockey game online, and I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that he lives in Canada now. I'm so proud of him, but it is hard to really believe he is up there.  It has only been a month since we last saw each other, and it seems like much much longer.  Hopefully he'll be getting the trade he wants, and I wont have to wait until Christmas to see him again. I miss having him play in Cody, Wyoming believe it or not... and watching this game right now makes me miss it even more.
I also really miss high school. All my other friends look at me like i'm crazy when I say that but it's true. I miss having my friends (true friends) around me all the time, going to play field hockey after school got out, and then going home to my loving family and spending the night at my house.  I miss being on a team, going to Friday night football games, lame/ innocent high school parties, being able to go home after all was said and done.  Maybe I am crazy, but so much of me misses that life I lived just 2 years ago.  I am honest, and don't mind saying that so far I have found college is  NOT for me.  I hate it. But I am doing my best to live it up while I can and do the best I can.  I hope change becomes an easier thing for me.
On a lighter note, my parents are coming up tomorrow :) We are all going to the Air Force vs. UW football game.  Although I doubt we'll win, it will still be fun to have them around. I love my family, I wish my brother was coming too.  And next weekend, I get to go home and do the Race for The Cure with my mom! God Bless everyone who has been affected by breast cancer.. I hope we find a cure soon, I am proud of myself for participating in this.
I just wrote a novel.. but I feel better writing my feelings out, even if nobody ever reads them. Yay blogging.

She said I think I'll go to Boston..

There is once in a lifetime

And there is once in a while

And the difference between the two

Is about a million miles..

Today has been a confusing day to say the least. I am only 19 years old and I feel like I am constantly thinking of my future. I guess in some ways that productive, but at the same time I think it consumes too much of my life.
Today especially I can't help but think where I should be going to school next year. Unlike all my friends there was never a college I REALLY wanted to go to.  So far it has been a "guess and check" experience. I like Wyoming and all but I don't think it is the college for me.  I want to transfer.  But going with that I worry that I'll fall way behind and that I once again will wind up in a situation I want out of.  
If I could go anywhere in the entire world, I would chose Boston, Massachusetts without a doubt.  I called my mom today and she said "life is too short to live with regrets." All my life I have wanted to live there, it's just a matter of time I like to think. Even if it doesn't work out I never want to look back at my life and regret never testing it out.  I'm looking at plane tickets to go out there and look at a couple schools, just in case.
I am becoming a very independent person, i've learned that there are few people I can rely on.  But with the help of my family, and boyfriend, and friends I know I can get through anything.  I hope that maybe this whole Boston thing does work out, it will give me a chance to live the life I feel like I've always wanted.
Until then, I'm going to focus on school and embracing the life i'm living right now.  
My current goal is: Making the Deans List this semester. Wish me luck!